As it’s Valentines month, my focus is on shedding light on how to obtain total self-love. This is so important as the manner in which you love yourself, teaches others how to love you. The misperception about love and relationships is that it is the others duty to make you feel a certain way:

It’s my partner’s responsibility to make me feel loved. It’s my partner’s responsibility to make me feel secure. It’s my partner’s responsibility to make me feel happy.


What we are attracted to in another is what we believe we do not have. Until we can truly see the magnificence and love in ourselves, our relationships will be dysfunctional, for how can we give that which we don’t acknowledge and accept we already have within us?

To love is to recognize yourself, your true deep beingness in another, for the ‘other’ is but merely a mirror. Therefore self-love is the most important of them all.

Top Tips on Increasing Self-Love:

  1. Don’t compare yourself to others : Humans are conditioned to be competitive so comparing yourself to others is natural however seeing as each individual is completely unique, comparisons are not justified or fair. There is only 1 of you on this planet! Nobody else has the same story or has gone through your experiences therefore your outcome is going to be different to everyone else. So, focus your precious energy on your own story and journey.
  2. Allow yourself to make mistakes: Make mistakes so you can learn more about yourself and grow. Embrace your past, the ups and lows as you are constantly changing and evolving into your true authentic self due to these experiences.
  3. Your body does not equate to your value: People want to be your friend due to how you make them feel, the fun you have, the laughs, the advice you can give, what you teach them and because of your support. Colleagues want to hire you due to your expertise, skills, abilities and experience. The intangible attributes that make you You, is what is valued most by people and is used to define you.
  4. Do not be afraid of letting go of toxic people: Your energy is precious and valuable and anyone you brings you down or drains you is not going to assist in your personal growth and development. Prioritise, protect and love yourself enough to say no and put yourself first.
  5. You are your own best advocate: Nobody knows you better than yourself so trust yourself to make the best decisions by listening to your heart space.
  6. Feel pain and joy as fully as you can: Allow yourself to truly feel emotions. Lean into pain, reveal in your joy and don’t put limitations on your feelings. As these emotions will help you understand yourself and your triggers and will help you notice your development and ultimately make you realise you are not your feelings.
  7. Exercise boldness in public: Many of us live our lives feeling shy, trying to stay quiet and unnoticed in public but all this does is decrease our chances of being exposed to more loving new relationships. Don’t be afraid to speak your mind, join the conversation and contribute your thoughts. Let your self-confidence shine for people to notice your beautiful energy. 

Some of the points mentioned above are extremely hard to master and have taken me years to make them into self-love habits for myself. But, once you start implementing these practices, your whole reality will be filled with love in abundance.

If you need assistance or support in your healing journey to self-love, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I would love to guide you through the process of learning how to truly love and respect yourself.

In love, light and happiness

Debbie Taylor